"I understand you have a new job, Pooh. What are you doing?" Piglet heard from Owl that Pooh was working at the local shopping mall -- a job that he just started this morning -- and he was proud of his fluff-stuffed friend.
"I'm working in the Complaint Department for J. C. Hunny's, Piglet. It's a Very Important Position, and one that I take Very Seriously. Whenever a Customer has a Complaint, I listen to them, nod my head at least Seven Times, say Uh-Huh and Hmmmm and Yessssss and Look Interested, and then I write down the Complaint on a Piece of Paper and hand it to my boss, Mr. J. C. Hunny. He says he couldn't run his business without someone like me."
"Does Mr. Hunny understand your Missages on the Piece of Paper, Pooh? If I remember, your Writing is a bit Wobbly." As far as Piglet knew, Pooh couldn't spell more than his name and the names of the things he liked the best -- like Hunny and Jam and Piglet. Writing complete Missages about Complaints was something that Piglet thought would have been too Complicated for a Bear like Pooh.
"Oh, I don't write the Whole Complaint, Piglet. Actually, Piglet, I only sign by name on the Complaint Form, because that's about all I know how to spell Properly, but I know it's a Complaint Form, and my Signing It says that I listened to a Complaint, which is what Mr. Hunny hired me to do! And I do it well, Piglet. Today I listened to ten complaints and signed ten Complaint Forms. Mr. Hunny said he's never hired a More Productive Bear."
"But what about the Things that people are Complaining About, Pooh? How do you make them feel better?" Piglet's forehead was creased because he was trying to understand what Pooh was doing at work, but it didn't seem to make any sense -- just listening and signing his name. Wasn't a Complaint Department supposed to Solve Problems? He decided to ask Pooh about this. "Pooh, isn't your job in the Complaint Department to Solve Problems that people have and make them feel better?"
"Oh, they feel fine, all right. Mr. Hunny asked me to give everyone a great big Hug before they left. Everyone leaves smiling. But there is one thing that concerns me, Piglet. Most people have said they'll come back in a few days to see about their Complaint. I guess they'll want another Hug then, too. That's fine with me. My arms are just the right length for Hugging, and like Tigger is fond of saying, that's what I do best, except I do Hugging best and Tigger does Bouncing best, I think."
"Pooh, those people are coming back in a few days to see if their Complaint has been Resolved. But their Complaints won't have been resolved because no one but you knows what their Complaint was. You're supposed to write down their Complaints and hand them to your boss, Mr. Hunny."
"Are you sure a Hug won't solve their problems?" Pooh was under the impression that Hugs always solved problems, at least for Christopher Robin and Piglet and some of Rabbit's Smaller Relations.
"It might make them feel better, Pooh, but I don't think it will solve their problems."
"Oh Bother," Pooh sighed. "Can you teach me to write, Piglet, so I can write down their Complaints from now on?"
"Of course, Pooh."
"Thank you, Piglet."
I'd appreciate any comments, both positive and negative (but preferably constructive if they're negative) about this story or my writing style. I can be reached at Wstoler@aol.com.